My main reason for approaching Time Line TherapyTM was to put an end to repetitive patterns in my life which I felt were stopping me for from reaching my potential. In the past on numerous occasions I had failed to achieve the results I wanted and this had led me to believe that I was just not able to. This feeling was present in different aspects of my life: at school, college, university, work and even affected my personal relationships. In addition four years ago, I was diagnosed as having depression and this made me even more anxious about the future and how I would cope with it. In many ways I felt trapped by myself and wondered why I just did not get on with all my good ideas.
Despite all this I always managed to get further than I expected and about a year ago I graduated from university, life was getting better. Nevertheless, I could see that my general outlook was still in need of a new wardrobe. I suspected that the reality of things was different from my negative worried and scared perception and that I urgently needed to change my attitude in order to direct my life how I wanted to.
The Time Line session was a completely new experience; although it does deal with past experiences, it did not resemble counselling or psychotherapy in the slightest. The session began by considering and reflecting on how we come to be who we are in relation to the world we are living in currently; Simon did this in a way that I could relate to and find interesting and engaging. This process enabled me to become aware of the things I had learned so far within my particular environment and relate them to the world around me both past and present.
After this, we turned our attention to the ways in which I think, act and experience my life. For example, we looked at typical phrases I am likely to think or say which allow me to repeat old patterns (good old excuses), my favourites being ‘it’s hard’, ‘I can’t’, ‘why should I..’ and …yes, but…’ Through this I became aware of how much of what I said was framed by these words, and noticed that they were excuses to avoid me taking responsibility for my life. I tended use them as defence, and in effect the only offender to me was myself. Hmmm, interesting…
The session was truly eventful! I experienced every single emotion. There was a lot of laughter as Simon is hilarious and really got me to have a good giggle and belly laugh about many aspects of myself. It was also funny as seeing everything from another perspective, yet as it truly is, somehow results in infectious wholesome laughter!
It was now time to imagine my life as a straight line, but long and connected to the past before me and through to the future. My line was endless! The process involved eliminating negative emotions: fear, sadness, anger and any others were revisited. This involved simply remembering a time in which I felt a particular emotion and then through the Time Line process, learning about it. Although revisiting sometimes uncomfortable memories, I felt calm and supported throughout. Furthermore, these events were visited for only seconds, making it virtually painless. Once I had been to those times when I felt a certain emotion and learned about it, I went back for a second look. This time l was calm and peaceful. Literally minutes after feeling very sad, I would go back to that event and the sadness had disappeared! Truly amazing!
It was quite curious and insightful to revisit all those times in minutes, and the result of clearing all that up made me feel happy. My thoughts felt tidy and I couldn’t stop smiling.
It has now been about three months since my time line therapy and a lot is going on. At the beginning I could not stop checking and monitoring myself, I was trying to spot what was different. I knew something was, but it was subtle and I wondered if anything had or if it was just my imagination. The more time passes, the more I notice that my relationship to myself, others and life in general is changing, I am changing.
When life throws something my way I am not as quick to fear it or judge it. When feeling unsure or lacking in direction I monitor my thoughts: where do they come from? What issue are they really addressing? What can I do to change how I am feeling? Instead of fast forwarding to what the end result would be in my imagination, I focus on why such feelings are coming up. I no longer feel trapped; instead I experience a feeling of wonder as I watch myself learning and becoming who I want to be. The changes I am experiencing have also been noticed by the people in my life; my best friend says I am a lot more positive and seem grown up. Other comments include that I seem more involved with and present in the world around me. My relationship with my partner has improved a lot as my attention has shifted to making a stronger connection; in fact this is almost unconscious and automatic.
In addition, I am finding that my Tai Chi practice has become more informative. As I practice daily, I am becoming aware of problem areas in my body and watching my thoughts. This feedback is a reflection of what I am dealing with in all aspects of my being: how can I make this posture more comfortable? What do I need to do in order to be in my centre? How can I connect my centre to my surroundings? How can I focus my attention to specific parts of the body so that I am aware of them individually as well as collectively? All these questions have an overlapping quality which reaches into all aspects of my life. The best way to describe my experience of change would be to say that I feel firmer in my core. More grounded. And definitely more curious!
I am learning that my body has all the answers, so am working on listening to it and allowing it to make suggestions. If I am feeling uncomfortable, insecure or confused, I interpret the feelings as suggestions to how to resolve such matters. In this process practice, patience and perseverance is a must! And even the smallest accomplishments reap big rewards! For example, in standing meditation my legs like to protest after a while and start to shake, uncontrollably. In the past my thought would have been “stop shaking!” Instead, now I smile and tell them they can carry on if they want to, but I will continue to stand! Amazingly, within seconds they listen and the shaking significantly subsides, my base feels stronger and I can continue for longer each time! Noticing such change in the communication between my body and mind lets me know that I am on the right track and is a physical manifestation of my inner life.
Of course there are set backs: old patterns of thought do enter my mind, but my awareness of them is strong, and they turn into questions, curiosity and sometimes solutions. If a solution does not come up, which at the moment happens a lot, I allow the questions to continue and watch what happens next. This has a quality of letting go and relaxing, allowing confusion to just be, and trusting the body, an aspect which I am currently working on both in my day to day life and in my Tai Chi practice.
My advice to anyone doing this type of work would be to go with it. Explore and experiment and most importantly stick with it even when the going gets tough. Sometimes it can be frustrating observing behaviors which you are changing or watching old thought patterns, but this is no doubt part of it. Awareness is the first step, and once the relaxing, letting go quality kicks in, a shift within how such experiences are interpreted takes place. As in Tai Chi, the principle of supporting rather than resisting is the key. Practice, relax and go with it. Ask questions and let them linger until the answer makes itself apparent. My main challenge with this work, currently, is to let go of the fear that I might be doing something “wrong” or not enough, again this is a trust issue. There are no mistakes in this work, only feedback and allowing the mind to accept this idea is central to continuous learning and progress.